Throughout the years, your precious pops has taught you (almost) everything you know—including (take it or leave it) how to tell terrible jokes. We can all admit that you truly need a demented sense of humor to appreciate the special kind of comedy known as dad jokes.

This Father's Day, tell dear old Dad how much you love and appreciate him by speaking his language—with some punny Father's Day one-liners


  • What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
  • Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.
  • What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
  • To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!
  • I tell dad jokes, but I don't have any kids. I'm a faux pa.
  • What do you call a hippie's wife? Mississippi.
  • 5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
  • The rotation of earth really makes my day.
  • Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
  • My son screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
  • Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
  • Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
  • I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
  • Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
  • What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.
  • "I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something."
  • "Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot."
  • I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless."
  • "You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
  • "Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the 'P' is silent."
COA Staff